Feeling Human - Part I

I do not know if I am a good person. I know I'm not a bad person, but I think I spend more time thinking about doing good deeds than actually doing them.

It's as if I stop at the simple act of thinking of the "good" thing to do, and then back off an do nothing.

So, while I don't help, I don't harm. ... Unless not helping causes harm, then I guess I'm just screwed.

Here's one of those moments:

I bought an AP Stylebook on eBay. I won the auction (99 cents plus shipping!), paid my tab and waited for the book.

After two weeks went by with no sign of the book, I contacted the seller and they gave me shipping details and told me to check back if it didn't show in a couple days.

Two or three weeks later, there was still no book, and no more replies from the seller to any of my e-mails.

I got burned.

So as I'm filing all the necessary forms through the payment site to try to get a refund of my dough, I notice on eBay that 38 other people were in the same boat as me. A previously good seller had suddenly burned 38 out of the last 42 people who bought something from him/her. In the comment section, people were cursing the seller, saying all sorts of mean things, and I'm thinking the same things -- he didn't like how little the item sold for, he's a fraud who just took everybody's money and ran -- and I'm just thoroughly disgusted.

Rotten jerk fraud ripoff piece of crap took my money.

But then I realized how awful that was -- it's not like they called and said, "Ha ha, I took your cash." Maybe something happened to them. Did anyone think to call them and see?

I'm filing these claims, like thirty-something other people were, and eBay was organizing the forms and working on refunds and blah blah blah, all around this guy -- but had anyone actually tried calling him? Had he already been found dead by the local authorities and put in the ground, and we're all up here bitching about this rotten jerk ripoff artist while it's actually some 70-year-old guy that fell and died, probably while packing things up for eBay, and was just dead on his floor for like days while we all cursed him? And now he's dead and rotting and his family is crying and his grandkids are wondering why Pop-pop isn't giving them candy or quarters anymore, and I'm just sitting here hoping to God that I can get my $4.55 back?

See what I mean? Awful.

So, I've decided that I'm going to find out if they're OK, rather than just think hateful thoughts and go through the administrative motions to get my cash back. I got their contact information through eBay, and I'll give them a call at a more appropriate hour and find out what's up.

The sad part is, after that little After School Special there, that there's a really, really good chance that it's just going to be some jerk who decided to rip people off, you know?

Because people are rotten. But if I'm rotten, too, then it just makes things worse.

Call it a very late New Year's Resolution, but I'm going to give this "human" thing a shot and see what happens.